Ok so flashback to 5th grade when I had my first girl crush but since it was “wrong” brushed it away as just friendship. Then at a back to school party at my new school for 6th grade where I knew nobody one girl walked by and she was so pretty. Once we started school I realized that she was cute, popular, and nice to me so I started to think I was gay. Later that same year I had (and still have) a crush on a guy so I thought okay so I’m straight and I just found her cute. Then in 7th grade I started to think about it some more and decided that maybe I could like both boys and girls. Then later that year I realized that my parents (dad in particular) would not accept me as bi so I kept it to myself. Later that week on I once heard my mother scream at my dad “get your hands off of me!” That was the scariest day of my life because on top of that earlier in the day he had yelled at my siblings and I a lot. I decided one morning that after I came home from school I would kill myself. That day at lunch 3 of my best friends Lucy, Emily, and Zach (not real names) gave me the first happy day of my life in years. As I walked down the hallway to get the pills I stopped in the middle of the hallway. I thought well if I can be happy once then maybe it could happen again. I watched suicide survivors story’s on youtube and stopped myself. I didn’t tell anyone until the middle of 8th grade. In 8th I gave up at trying to please my dad and getting good grades and always being “perfect.” This year was meant to be all about me and my friends. Lucy came out to me as bisexual and thought that I would not take it well but to her surprise my only reaction was “Lucy… Same” she and I were both super happy. Later on she told me that she was depressed and I told her that I had walking depression. She told me and the rest of our friends that she was fine but one day she came to me and showed me cuts on her wrists and said it was her cats. That night she texted me and said that she had done it to herself. She is now much better after leaving our advanced math class and leaving her boyfriend. I am now happier than ever before so though I do still have depression and anxiety I know how to deal with it. To deal with anxiety I use stress reducing lotions and instead of keeping my thoughts to myself i write poems.
-Pegasus Girl ❤